Keeping Humble, Life is hard

So I guess God likes to keep us humble. After I wrote last weeks post I went and saw my counselor. It is a Christian couple, they do it together, so sometimes I say he, and other times I say she when I refer to them.  Just so no one gets the wrong idea, when I say He...lol. Anyway, we went over a list that is stuff you experience in a domestic violence/abuse relationship. Some things I checked were a sometimes, and some things were an always. So now I get to figure out what things were not normal in my relationship/family and what things were. I know some of you know me better than others. Maybe some of you who know me/us could tell me if you think something we did was normal or not normal. Like, remember that one time when this happened, well I thought it was a little odd. I just want to think outside the box a little.  Learn something about normal.

 I really wanted to talk about how my counselor said, I will probably have a down from this "high" I seem to be on.  And that my kids and I have developed this cooping mechanism, to survive things, and slowly we will ease off of this cooping mechanism and different feelings and behaviors may arise. I see that happening in my kids some. But it was as if I was given permission to feel something. That very day I got a some mail that hit a trigger. I started to cry. And cry. It was as if the all the hurt hit me at once. I don't really share all the details of the drama that happens everyday in my life. I try not to talk too negatively about the "other" party. So sometimes its hard to write, and maybe it comes across as confusing to you, idk. Anyway, I thought about how I haven't really just "cried". I wanted to so badly when this all first came out, but I had to be strong for my kids, and some of them viewed me as crazy, if I started to cry. Thoughts planted. Things are better now in that area. I am learning I am not crazy, that is just something the abuser tries to get everyone to believe. So I guess this past few days I have been kind of a wreak.  I have had some worry about life and jobs and housing, and my kids, some hurt.  I know God will provide. Sometimes we just wish we knew exactly how. So today I listen to Held by Natalie Grant. A song that has also carried me through the years. Thank you so much for all your prayers.  I guess this is one unique journey, I am blessed that you will walk this road with me and help me along.