God is strong!

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You.  This verse was given to me by a pastor years ago, when I had come to the church to seek help for my marriage. I have carried it with me all these years and tried to apply it to my life. Another favorite of mine is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. These verses gave me hope, for many, many years.  I am just so glad that God never gave up on me, even though I just about gave up on Him. I feel as though people look at me like I am some strong person because of my attitude going through all that I am going through. I have no doubt that God is giving me strength with out measure, but you need to know I failed. What I am going through right now is God's answer to me. I am on the up side of things. I am soooo grateful. But how I was on the down side of things is my failing. Things have been bad for a long long time. So long, that I almost gave up. The last couple of years were my worst. I knew God loved me, but he seemed so far away, and nothing ever seemed to get better no matter what I did. It was so hard to find a church, then try to go alone, and get 7 kids ready, just to find out church was canceled. Satan hit us hard, and probable won, too many times. I had pretty much given up. When life was at it's worst I gave up. I did what I needed to do for my family, but my heart was not there for my husband any more, and I wondered where God was in all of it. I was like everybody else.  I had nothing left to give. I was taken into the desert, literally and figuratively, and I dried up.  It wasn't till I moved back to Oregon that I started to see some hope, although I felt sooo much guilt for being happy to be living alone.....deep down I really felt like God was giving me a break....but was that ok to think??? There were times in those years when I would try hard again, but Satan is always there knocking us back down when we try, trying to convince us that life is harder with Jesus...such a lie! I finally had my heart set on God again, and not giving up,I had just faith like a mustard seed.  and life got to be the worse it had ever been. He had came home. But God helped me, and started to reveal things to me.  Things I could never figure out before. I think God spoke clearer to me in those days than I had ever experienced before.  And now all the truth has come out, and as a result I have been rescued. God has rescued me! I am on the good side of things.  I am not strong. I fail. My God is strong and He loves me THAT much. I have prayed for many, many, many years, what is wrong with me, with us, why is it is never enough. God has showed me now. Although I gave it my all for  many, many years, I slowly gave up, and I am so sorry.  I missed so many opportunities to be a good witness for God. I am so grateful God did not give up on me, and now I have a wonderful family.  My kids are so amazing.  God waited for the right time to reveal things.  Waited till I had the right kids.  Without any of them, things would not work the way they do. God is soooo good. ALL THE TIME. How do I put a song on here?....lol I love that song! Anyway, this is hard to share, but I feel like God is telling me to share this, and because I feel bad, like people think I'm so strong going through all of this. I'm not. I'm rejoicing because of answered prayers, that's it.