A Trip of Healing

So we went on our trip to Nevada and Utah.  Made lots of stops and visited friends a long the way. It was a very healing trip for all of us.  I reconnected with a long time friend of the family who had lots of information about things I had no idea Donavan was doing. I really have gotten use to this.  There are so many stories. God knew. So its ok if I didn't. Just more proof He was watching over me and protecting me and now rescuing me. The kids had there moments of breaking down too.  It brought up many things that they have been angry about and we were able to talk about it. I also found out I am officially divorced. Such a relief. It was kind of disheartening thinking about the kind of man I really was married to. I also had a birthday recently and with that turn brings a whole new year full of new possibilities. I am excited to see how God will grow my business and do things over the next year. I feel as though we are a whole new family.  We have left the past behind and are allowing God's peace to reign. I am so thankful for a whole new life, with my amazing kids, in my amazing community, here in my amazing house. God is good.....All the time!!!

Work

Hello all!! I have been a bit weighed down lately. God is always good and provides, but I know I can not just sit around and do nothing in regards to earning an income. I even went to Nevada with the hopes of working and earning some money selling food. But all that proved was how having a job outside my home would be a strain on my family. So I have joined another business venture that I believe is worth investing in.  So now I have two home business that I fully stand behind.  They can provide and income for my and my kids for years to come. The best thing about them is they help people.  I really love that. I am going to share with you what these businesses are, so if you feel inclined to check them out and think they may be something you could use, it would greatly help our family if you join. 

The first is SendOutCards. My website is www.sendoutcards.com/have-fun There is a short video you can watch, then click learn more and watch the next quick video.  I really enjoy being able to send people cards easily from my home. This service only cost $9.80 a month.

My other business is Legal Shield.  My website is www.hollywatkins.legalshield.com There is also a video you can watch at this site too.  I also use this services as well.  I now have a lawyer available to call anytime I need, for $20 a month. I never thought I needed a lawyer, but they do things like prepare my will, and review documents I sign, and I someone tries to overcharge me, I can find out my rights and more. It's pretty amazing.  Just watch the video is all I ask.

I really hate writing this, but I am getting desperate.  I do not want to live on government assistance forever.  It would be really great if I can get things going. :)

Divorce and Forgiveness

The last few weeks/month of my life have brought some unique challenges. News of hearing about my divorce has brought out some odd views. I am in bit of a shock, some people are suggesting I wait for Donavan, he may change. Well, not wanting to bring undo hardship, I have not gone into great detail about why Donavan went to prison.  It would not be right for me to put such things on here. So some of you who think you know what he is in there for, may not know, really. If you think you need to know more. Get a hold of me. But in any case. I have a right to divorce. Whether for the reason he went to prison, or for the abuse he put me and my children through the last 11 yrs, verbally, emotionally and some physically. I know that I am in the ok, and above all, that God knows it's ok. God knows that I have been with Donavan through pretty much EVERYTHING a person can possible experience while being married. I stayed through all of it. So another miracle I have learned through this, is that God was teaching me all these years how to forgive. I have been through so much, and still chose to forgive and love again. It wasn't always easy, especially being lied to, that's a really hard one. I was given a book called "The Freedom to Love and Live Again" by David E. Ritzenthaler.  It really helped me a lot. It has you list out things people have done to you, and then your own sinful reaction to what happened and more. You pray out the whole list. It is really freeing and helped me a ton.  I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. We all have been hurt by people, but have you really taken thought to forgive them? I found I didn't have the anger I once had after doing that. So the Lord was teaching me how to forgive both big and little things overtime and daily, so that when the Biggest thing hit, that too, was added to the list of things I have forgiven.  Although the other day God showed me as I was questioning, "have I really forgiven" that it is going to be a constant decision I have to make. Every time I hear yet another disheartening story from my kids, or learn of another lie ect...I will have the choice in those moments to be angry or to forgive...again. So it will be a journey, one that I believe God has equipped me with the tools to bear. Like I told a friend the other day, It is only a miracle of God that I can come out of something like this and not be bitter. But that is all God.

So I have been challenged in a lot of areas by the things people have been saying to me. I realize that some people view my joyful attitude as me not dealing with what I went through.  To those people, I just say that God truly prepared me for all of it, so when it hit, it was a relief, not a burden.  To say being a single Mom with seven kids is heaven compared to what I lived with before, says a lot about what a life I was living. And my Joy, comes from the Lord, my rock, my redeemer. With Him anything is possible. Most of you knew me when I was with Donavan and I had joy then too.  That is because God was my rock then too.  I would always try to talk about and point out the positive. Ps 55:21 Says "His speech was smoother than butter, but his heart was war: His words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords."  I know a lot of you knew Donavan, and you all know how well he was with his words. I knew he could sell catsup to a woman in white, little did I realize I was also a woman in white. I don't want to talk too negatively here, but the point is God knows the heart of these kinds of men.  It is what is in your heart that matters.  Donavan and his heart has led him to his path, and I have chosen to follow the Lord all of these years, and he has rescued me. The rest of  Ps55 says "Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.  But You, O God, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days. But I will trust in You." WOW is all I have to say.  I know God loves Donavan too, and we pray he will truly repent, sometimes it takes loosing it all for you to see your need for a savior. And if I was to stay, and wait, he would not loose it all, and he would be clinging to a control that he has had for a long long time. I can forgive him, but I don't need to allow him back in my family.  I know God is ok with what I am doing, and I know He has great plans for my future. I do serve a God who is in the business of doing miracles. :-)

Thoughts of Heaven

I want to write on a subject God has placed on my heart! I feel like God is offering us the one thing that he thought we would all yearn for. A place with no pain, hurt, or tears. Isn't that what the world is always striving for? Peace. If we could live and not have pain wouldn't that be perfect? So God created that perfect place, heaven. But who wants to go to heaven? Well initially we all would say we do, right? But do we want to be there because that is a place we can be with God for eternity with no pain? I heard some one say once that every one wants to go to heaven, they just don't want to God to be there. We all have this idea of what heaven is. Some of us are afraid we won't like it or we will miss our earthly things. But God has taken the time to careful construct a place that we will enjoy for eternity. Why do we doubt the awesomeness of God? We like it pretty well here on earth, we enjoy a lot of things that God put here for us, but we still have pain and sorrow. How much more better will heaven be? A place for us with out the pain and sorrow!!! God is not going to construct a place that is less enjoyable than earth for us to live in for eternity! We think with our earthly minds so it is truly hard to grasp what God can really do. So search your heart. What is it you really think about heaven?

Revelation 21:4

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more pain,

for the former things have passed away.

Update on us

I guess it has been a little bit since I wrote something last. Things have been going really well for us. We moved and are now in our own place. Praise the Lord!! It is big enough for us and we love it! We are out in the country, and when I open the blinds to all the windows in my living room I feel like I am in the middle of a forrest. It is really peaceful and I even think we have a deer family living on our property. We pull up and they don't even run off. Anyway we are slowing getting back on track with homeschooling and chores. Another kid has started counseling and I hope to get a few more in soon too. I don't go to my Domesic Violence Support Group any more. I feel like that stage of my life has past. I am truely a survivor now and life is better.  Thinking about that was such a strange thought a while back, survivor??? But now that I am totally out of the picture I can look back and see things were really bad.  I guess when you are going through it, its hard to understand what is happening. I did survive, and now I thrive! I am amazed everyday that we have been rescued and how God has provided our every need every day! With no husband it is easy to see that God is my provider. I even get to stay home with my kids:)

 

 I Timothy 6:8 Now Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these things we shall be content.

 



I am learning to live my life so if I died tomorrow I can truely say I have done all that was required of me. I lived the life that God intended. That is my goal each day. For a smaller and fun goal this week I am trying to make each one of my kids laugh each day. I would like to set a new small goal for each week. So stay tuned.... :) 

Christmas letter

This is the letter I put in my Christmas card this year. Some of you may not have gotton a Christmas card, I may need your address :-), and for those who did it was a little had to read. I apologize.

Dear Friends and Family,   
I am so excited to be able to send Christmas cards this year. I know it has been a while. No new kids this time and I am not pregnant....lol  God has done some amazing things in my family this year, and although I am alone now, I am not alone. "For I am with you" says the Lord. God has brought me on an amazing journey these last several years, and what man intended for bad, God has used for good. "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose."  Almost 12 years ago it started, and although I was pregnant and single, it caused me to make a lifetime commitment to the Lord.  I prayed about the decision of marriage and I felt God confirmed it. The first year was very hard, but I learned a lot about how to be a good wife and that God would always take care of me, whether I was with Donavan or not.. The next few years weren't too bad, I was cheerful, serving, and his cheerleader in life. I loved to share with others the things I was learning about being a good wife. Things were not perfect, but was hopeful that if I practiced my new skills things would improve. A few more years went by, we had a few more kids, my hope of change was growing dimmer.  I no longer shared my excitement with others. But still tried hard every day to do my best as a wife and mother. I learned that I would probably never please him, but I could please the Lord. God knew my heart, He knew how I tried always to be the best for my family. I wasn't perfect at all, but I would try, and pray, and accept correction. A few more years went by, a few more kids, kids I gladly added to my family, and moving into a trailer. I loved  being close with my family and didn't mind traveling so much. But with the lack of friends and church support pushing me forward, and things getting worse than ever, I lost heart. As the kids got older, the worse it got. Like the Israelites in the desert, I felt somewhat abandoned. But we weren't. God was still with us.  Working in ways we had no idea. My prayer changed from Lord, help my husband, to please change him or take him. I could bear no more. God heard my cry. Surprisingly we moved to back to Oregon, with out him. How could this be? He worked in Nevada and we lived in Oregon. I had a bit of burden lifted although I felt so guilty for thinking it so. I was rejuvenated through it and I was ready to do whatever God wanted, to give my whole heart in commitment to my marriage. God had helped me in so many ways. Soon after that he lost his job in Nevada and was coming home. That was the beginning of the end. Life became crazier than ever. But in that, God started showing me things. Showing me the truth of our situation, and showing me that we needed to separate for a time. And even though trusted friends and counselors were telling me to stay together, I knew what God was telling me. It was the hardest thing I ever did.  Not much later, the truth about what he was doing came out, the police were called, and now he is serving his time in prison. I am now learning slowly the truth of how things really were my whole life.  I do pray he truly has a heart change. But now I am free. Free from that marriage and somewhat relieve from that burden. Although much damage was done to our family, God is the great healer. He has provided us with the help we need to get on the right track. God was walking with us during this whole journey. I am who I am today, I have the great kids I have today, I live in the greatest community in the world today, and I have the support  I need today, because of my past and the life God gave me. I am thankful for it all. I love to see how God provides for us everyday now.  In the big things and the little. He never ceases to amaze me. Not everyone's journey is as extreme as mine, but God still sees your heart, He hears your prays.  Do not give up or loose heart, He will answer you in his timing. "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2Chor 7:14 He will take care of you just as he has taken care of me and my 7 children. Over the years I have been given cars, small things I have wanted, and big things I have needed. I serve a God who owns the universe. I am his princess. How awesome is that! I hope you have a great Christmas and I can't wait for next year when I can write about the new things God will bring about in my life. :)
Love,The Watkins
Holly, Austin, Jeffrey, Alissa, Katelyn, Elizabeth, Tiffany, Summer

Our biggest christmas ever!

Our new nativity scene given to me by a great friend

 

I know my last post was written about things I am thankful for, but there is so much more. God is showing me so many things. So we are doing really good. I got some new kids in counseling and the others are doing way better. We are amazed at how our Christmas is coming together. I haven't spent any money yet we have so many presents under our tree, and even some for me! We usually didn't have much for Christmas in the past. And last year we didn't even have a tree.  So to see what God provided is amazing.   Just in the last two weeks or so I have been given a Christmas tree, had money given to me, all our bikes are fixed, a friend paid for a new tire I needed, someone took our family portrait for free, many families have given us presents, food, and we got our housing voucher, and right now I am sitting at a fancy condo by the beach! I am so blown away. So we get to move to a place of our own here pretty soon. And God is always working the impossible in situations for us. I am a little overwhelmed at the thought of moving again so soon, but I think it took me moving to somewhere small to realize we may need a little bit bigger place. That one extra bedroom makes a big difference, so we are going from a two bedroom to a three. :) And the place has a big living room and dining room, which I love, because I love having people over and hosting things. So I am looking forward to doing that again.

 

Thank you all for your prays. I am also very blessed to be in the community I am in. People are really nice to my kids and are always willing to help us our in different situations. God has shown me that I am not alone in raising my children. He is walking this road with me, and I can go to Him anytime I need him. Sometimes I feel like the same characteristics I have lived with are showing up in my children. But I serve a God bigger than any legacy we have been left with. God has helped me to stay more patient with my kids, I almost feel like my old self again. And I am learning to enjoy time on my own.  I even went to see a movie with some friends :) by my myself.  I do most things with my kids, and for a little while it was hard to be alone. But now I am starting to enjoy it. It is nice to feel like a whole, normal person again. God can heal anything!

 

 

                                                    Our tree is going to be hidden soon!