Abuse.....what is your understanding of this?

Leslie Vernick
The Emotionally Destructive Relationship
Introduction

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is very eye opening.  My stomach was turning after I read this. This is the mess I am cleaning up?!!??!! Wow! No wonder why sometimes I feel overwhelmed, and sometimes I feel nothing, and sometimes I want to hide, sometimes I don't know what I'm feeling, and sometimes its a good day.  This is the latest book I am reading.  It is VERY good.  If you have any thought as to "Maybe I am in a unhealthy or destructive relationship" then this is the perfect book for you.  It explains ABUSE, but it also explains destructive things that we do in our relationships that are not abuse, but they are destructive and will cause problems in our relationships. If you do find that you are in an abusive relationship, PLEASE seek professional help and PRAY.  God will guide you as he did me in the direction you need to go.  But something has to change.  The mess caused by abuse is bigger and far worse than most people can imagine.  I am hoping that people will educate themselves a little bit on this subject.  I was married for 11yrs and we saw many non professional church/friend counselors, and none of them recognized the abuse I was living. I didn't even know it was abuse, till near the very end.  Abuse is much much more than just someone hitting you.  There is emotional, verbal, sexual, and more.  Do a little research.  Maybe you have a friend that is hurting.  Pray for them.  Be there for them.  Abuse is a sensitive thing.  If the abuser knows that the person is becoming aware of things the situation may get worse for the person. They make the person feel helpless and like they are nothing with out them. There are a million reasons that the normal person does not understand as to why people stay with abusers.  I knew my life would be way worse if I ever tried to leave.  I was right.  The month or two before he was arrested were the worse few months of my life. But God was with me every step of the way. Maybe I can tell that story on here someday. Pray for my family as I continue our journey.  And please educate yourself some...to truly be a help to some people in life you need to understand that sometimes they need professional help, the mind of an abuser is an crazy thing. 

The Same

The same....what does that mean? Well, in life we go through a lot of things, we learn a lot, we change a lot.  People change us, circumstances change us.  This post is about being the same. In some aspects that is.  :) I thought I would share this delightful discovery I just made. :) I recently picked up an old, very old, journal of mine.  A journal I had once lost, and it was given back to me in the most random way a few years ago which is a miracle in its self.   The first entry dated 11/13/2000. OK maybe its not THAT old...to you. :) I was just about to throw this journal away because I remembered that most of what is in this journal was about when I met Donavan. But I decided to open it up and read a few pages first, I was quite surprised at what I found.

This is what I wrote for the first entry:

The story of my life. My happy times, sad times, fat times, loving times, hurtful times.  Everything that I am, every thought that I think. Written here in the pages that follow. Written with a pen and ink that costs less than a dollar.  Who would have known that a pen would write something so valuable.  Take this book and pen that costs about $10 together, and create something so priceless. Amazing isn't it? Anything can be something if you make it that way.

 Tomorrow I will be going on my 5th day in my new apartment.  I really love it. I don't have any furniture, but I love it that way. I love the open space, the room to dance, or just to lay where ever I want.  Who knows if I will ever be able to have this much room to myself again.  It is clean.

If I could be anything in the world, I would be a princess. Because they are, to me, always young, beautiful, sweet, kind, and they live in a beautiful house and they always have a beautiful house.  And enough to share with those who need it.  Another thing is they always get to wear beautiful dresses.

I can dream can't I?

End of the journal entry.

Wow....those of you that know me well are probably smiling and laughing and maybe crying, like I did.  I am in shock really.  My true desires of my heart have not changed much at all.  And it is as if my dreams have come true.  I am a princess, daughter of the King.  King of the universe.  I live in a beautiful house with very little furniture so I can dance!! I love to help others and long still, to have plenty to help people with, but I do what I can with what I have for now. I am also blessed to have many beautiful dresses now that I can wear when ever I want. That hasn't always been so. Last but not least, I have told most people, I will never be old. I believe old is a state of mind.... :)

Basically I am so thankful to the Lord, for keeping my heart.  And although I have been through many many things, to put it mildly, yet my heart is the same. And who knew that I really was writing something that would mean SO much to me someday.  Wow!!! I will end with my new favorite quote.....

"Anything can be something if you make it that way."

God Provides

Wow things are really making a turn for the better. God has provided the money for me to get all caught up on things.  I am really excited.  Christmas is always a special time of year to focus on what we can do for others. :) I hope I can bless people as much as I have been blessed.  So not only did God provide all of the money I needed, but He also provided a brand new washing machine!!! I came home one day to a friend video taping me as a gazed upon a brand new washing machine.  She was instructed to get my reaction by the sweet gentleman who bought it for me....it was pretty awesome.  I have never had a brand new washer.   I have people who really care about me. I am truly blessed. 

We need each other

 I am not sure how to start this out. I am kind of realizing I really need to rely on other people to help me out when I really need help. I think I have been trying to manage on my own. Me and God. But sometimes God puts people in our lives to help us out. So now I have been trying to use some people to  help with my kids school work, and watch my kids, hang out with my kids, and doing a co-op has helped a lot too! I am only one person.  I can't be everywhere at once. To have people I can call for different things is really helpful and if you are one of those people...Thank you!!! As many of you may know I have been on a program to help my family heal and go to counseling. I haven't done much for work outside of my small businesses. Although the last month and a half I have been trying to train for a new career.  During the training phase you don't get paid for anything and you have to pay to take some classes online and get licensed.  It has been a bit hard.  But I am getting there.  It's hard to know the balance between being with my kids and working. It seems my kids are struggling with it and its hard on them.  Its been hard on me too. We are still healing.  I have now scheduled it to where I can work 3full days and have the other 4 off.  Being in the working world is so different.  I miss just being a mom and having time to help others.  Anyway.  I still get a bit of money from the state, but its not really enough to cover everything.  I used my tax return for as long as I could.  But I have slowly fallen behind on most of my bills.  And this month has been especially hard. I have been trying to pay for my licensing, and I made a very small payment to get a working car since my van is just about done, I need to get around for work, which is extra gas expense too. So I don't know.  Things are really tight right now.  I know God will provide. I've been thankful for my friends who let me use their washing machine because mine is still broke. Sometimes things seem to pile up on you all so hard, but I know it can only get better from here. And its ok if I admit things are a little hard. I think I never wanted to allow myself to say things are hard, because in doing so, it somehow would mean before was better, but that's not true.  Funny the things our minds convince us of. I know good things are coming, and we will get through this small hump. Thanks for being supportive. 

Poor Me

Life...why do we live our lives? Day in...day out...same job..same family...sometimes different problems. Problems, why do we have problems?  Everyone goes through problems. The rich, the poor, the Godly, the Ungodly. What makes problems more bearable, how do you still have hope amidst those problems. Peace that passes all understanding. Love that covers all. Forgiveness for things that we have done.
Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always and again I will say rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hears and minds in Christ Jesus.
How often do we find things to be thankful for during a hard situation. Do we look for the positive or do we dwell on the negative? Dwelling on the negative is very easy to do. We say, look at my situation and how bad it is, I deserve to just be sad and negative. Because, honestly it is way harder to be thankful and find joy. Funny though, why is that, why not do what is harder to do to find joy? Why take the easy road, have a pity party, and loathe in misery. We are funny aren't we. I have much to be thankful for. If you don't know Gods will in any moment, know that being thankful is always Gods will. I Thes 5:18 In everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. There are a few verses that tell you specifically what God's will are. This is one of them. I really think that I have been kind of dwelling on the poor me. I wasn't being very thankful for much and focusing on how much I have to do and why it has to be all me. If any one has an excuse to say poor me, I am probably a good candidate. But why do that to myself.  I have soooo much to be thankful for. And I am not doing this alone if I don't want to. I can choose to try to survive on my own with out the Lord, but how far is that going to get me. So I have been realizing some of this lately.  Life is way to hard to carry that burden alone. I have now given it all back to him. And WOW. What a difference it has made. I feel so much happier, things are coming together like I never thought they would, and I don't have to worry about tomorrow. I just choose to be thankful each day. And do my best with what God has given me.  I love the song " Lord, I need you, oh I need you"

Life as we know it

So hears a story... of a gal named Holly, who had 7 lovely children of her own.....Ok I don't know why the Brady Bunch tune is in my head. LOL So I guess I haven't written in a while because things have been a bit crazy. I've been busy working on my SendOutCards Business, organizing our house, setting up chores for 7 kids, figuring out a meal plan for everyone, homeschooling 6 kids, attempting to figure out what normal is, selling things on craigslist, killing mice, working on emotional issues, taking kids to counseling, the doctor, getting rid of stalkers, working on my business a little more, visiting people that need help, trying not to stress, working on teaching my kids the Bible, dancing, laundry, keeping the house in a bit of order, tying to figure out money till my business grows, keeping up on the car, paying bills, trying to stay cool, raising a teenager, and so much more,  all while trying not to go insane. I've been trying really hard to balance all of that with out being so exhausted I don't want to attempt to do anything at all. I am seeing how just being a stay at home mom of seven is a lot of work in itself. But to be the sole provider too, it is hard. God is good and provides and I am trying not stress, but it's kind of overwhelming at times. My counselors have compared my family and what we have been through, to a train wreck. We were all in a wreck and some of us came away with internal injury's but look fine, while others were buried in rubble, and maybe some only got a scratch. We are all different, but yet everyone has the relief that we are still alive and the wreck is over.  While we are all relieved, my counselors threw in the idea, what if you found out the reason you were in the wreck is because the conductor fell asleep? So crazy. I don't feel anger, but I think the relief is wearing off and the reality of what I have been left with is sinking in. God is good and is helping us sort it all out. Balancing working and kids and home life is interesting. Never knowing how the next bill is getting paid exactly. Feeling like network marketing business is such a slow going thing, but with so much potential. My only hope is to grow it big enough to where I won't have to worry about working sooo much. And my ultimate desire is to help others. I'm hoping in 5 years I can be the one reaching out to others financially and not the other way around. I guess just keep me in your prayers, I am in a very stressful stage of all this and trying to sort it all out.
"All things work together for good, to those who love God. and are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

Sendcere

What is Sendcere?

It is just like pinterest, a free social media site that is free to join, favorite and share things on, only it is made up of thousands of real greeting cards. It makes it easy to find just the right card by using the search bar. Father, golf for example. And if you want to change the writing in the card you can. It is totally free to join, and if you want to send  one of the cards you can easily by paying $1.98 plus a stamp at the end.  It's so fun and awesome.

What I want you to do!!!
Click the link below and sign up for a FREE Sendcere account. You don't need to buy anything ever. But if you ever do choose to send a card now and then, I will get the credit. If you try to join sendcere with out following one of my links, I will not get credit for your purchases, ever. So it's important that all my friends join under me by clicking the link below. THANKYOU!!!  I know I have awesome friends.

http://www.sendcere.com/cards/103211343/21272/18003927 Click on the follow button then it will prompt you to log in or open an account. :)

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We Get Paid To Be Nice To People