The last few weeks/month of my life have brought some unique challenges. News of hearing about my divorce has brought out some odd views. I am in bit of a shock, some people are suggesting I wait for Donavan, he may change. Well, not wanting to bring undo hardship, I have not gone into great detail about why Donavan went to prison. It would not be right for me to put such things on here. So some of you who think you know what he is in there for, may not know, really. If you think you need to know more. Get a hold of me. But in any case. I have a right to divorce. Whether for the reason he went to prison, or for the abuse he put me and my children through the last 11 yrs, verbally, emotionally and some physically. I know that I am in the ok, and above all, that God knows it's ok. God knows that I have been with Donavan through pretty much EVERYTHING a person can possible experience while being married. I stayed through all of it. So another miracle I have learned through this, is that God was teaching me all these years how to forgive. I have been through so much, and still chose to forgive and love again. It wasn't always easy, especially being lied to, that's a really hard one. I was given a book called "The Freedom to Love and Live Again" by David E. Ritzenthaler. It really helped me a lot. It has you list out things people have done to you, and then your own sinful reaction to what happened and more. You pray out the whole list. It is really freeing and helped me a ton. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. We all have been hurt by people, but have you really taken thought to forgive them? I found I didn't have the anger I once had after doing that. So the Lord was teaching me how to forgive both big and little things overtime and daily, so that when the Biggest thing hit, that too, was added to the list of things I have forgiven. Although the other day God showed me as I was questioning, "have I really forgiven" that it is going to be a constant decision I have to make. Every time I hear yet another disheartening story from my kids, or learn of another lie ect...I will have the choice in those moments to be angry or to forgive...again. So it will be a journey, one that I believe God has equipped me with the tools to bear. Like I told a friend the other day, It is only a miracle of God that I can come out of something like this and not be bitter. But that is all God.
So I have been challenged in a lot of areas by the things people have been saying to me. I realize that some people view my joyful attitude as me not dealing with what I went through. To those people, I just say that God truly prepared me for all of it, so when it hit, it was a relief, not a burden. To say being a single Mom with seven kids is heaven compared to what I lived with before, says a lot about what a life I was living. And my Joy, comes from the Lord, my rock, my redeemer. With Him anything is possible. Most of you knew me when I was with Donavan and I had joy then too. That is because God was my rock then too. I would always try to talk about and point out the positive. Ps 55:21 Says "His speech was smoother than butter, but his heart was war: His words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords." I know a lot of you knew Donavan, and you all know how well he was with his words. I knew he could sell catsup to a woman in white, little did I realize I was also a woman in white. I don't want to talk too negatively here, but the point is God knows the heart of these kinds of men. It is what is in your heart that matters. Donavan and his heart has led him to his path, and I have chosen to follow the Lord all of these years, and he has rescued me. The rest of Ps55 says "Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. But You, O God, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days. But I will trust in You." WOW is all I have to say. I know God loves Donavan too, and we pray he will truly repent, sometimes it takes loosing it all for you to see your need for a savior. And if I was to stay, and wait, he would not loose it all, and he would be clinging to a control that he has had for a long long time. I can forgive him, but I don't need to allow him back in my family. I know God is ok with what I am doing, and I know He has great plans for my future. I do serve a God who is in the business of doing miracles. :-)
