This is the letter I put in my Christmas card this year. Some of you may not have gotton a Christmas card, I may need your address :-), and for those who did it was a little had to read. I apologize.
Dear Friends and Family,
I am so excited to be able to send Christmas cards this year. I know it has been a while. No new kids this time and I am not pregnant....lol God has done some amazing things in my family this year, and although I am alone now, I am not alone. "For I am with you" says the Lord. God has brought me on an amazing journey these last several years, and what man intended for bad, God has used for good. "All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose." Almost 12 years ago it started, and although I was pregnant and single, it caused me to make a lifetime commitment to the Lord. I prayed about the decision of marriage and I felt God confirmed it. The first year was very hard, but I learned a lot about how to be a good wife and that God would always take care of me, whether I was with Donavan or not.. The next few years weren't too bad, I was cheerful, serving, and his cheerleader in life. I loved to share with others the things I was learning about being a good wife. Things were not perfect, but was hopeful that if I practiced my new skills things would improve. A few more years went by, we had a few more kids, my hope of change was growing dimmer. I no longer shared my excitement with others. But still tried hard every day to do my best as a wife and mother. I learned that I would probably never please him, but I could please the Lord. God knew my heart, He knew how I tried always to be the best for my family. I wasn't perfect at all, but I would try, and pray, and accept correction. A few more years went by, a few more kids, kids I gladly added to my family, and moving into a trailer. I loved being close with my family and didn't mind traveling so much. But with the lack of friends and church support pushing me forward, and things getting worse than ever, I lost heart. As the kids got older, the worse it got. Like the Israelites in the desert, I felt somewhat abandoned. But we weren't. God was still with us. Working in ways we had no idea. My prayer changed from Lord, help my husband, to please change him or take him. I could bear no more. God heard my cry. Surprisingly we moved to back to Oregon, with out him. How could this be? He worked in Nevada and we lived in Oregon. I had a bit of burden lifted although I felt so guilty for thinking it so. I was rejuvenated through it and I was ready to do whatever God wanted, to give my whole heart in commitment to my marriage. God had helped me in so many ways. Soon after that he lost his job in Nevada and was coming home. That was the beginning of the end. Life became crazier than ever. But in that, God started showing me things. Showing me the truth of our situation, and showing me that we needed to separate for a time. And even though trusted friends and counselors were telling me to stay together, I knew what God was telling me. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Not much later, the truth about what he was doing came out, the police were called, and now he is serving his time in prison. I am now learning slowly the truth of how things really were my whole life. I do pray he truly has a heart change. But now I am free. Free from that marriage and somewhat relieve from that burden. Although much damage was done to our family, God is the great healer. He has provided us with the help we need to get on the right track. God was walking with us during this whole journey. I am who I am today, I have the great kids I have today, I live in the greatest community in the world today, and I have the support I need today, because of my past and the life God gave me. I am thankful for it all. I love to see how God provides for us everyday now. In the big things and the little. He never ceases to amaze me. Not everyone's journey is as extreme as mine, but God still sees your heart, He hears your prays. Do not give up or loose heart, He will answer you in his timing. "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2Chor 7:14 He will take care of you just as he has taken care of me and my 7 children. Over the years I have been given cars, small things I have wanted, and big things I have needed. I serve a God who owns the universe. I am his princess. How awesome is that! I hope you have a great Christmas and I can't wait for next year when I can write about the new things God will bring about in my life. :)
Love,The Watkins
Holly, Austin, Jeffrey, Alissa, Katelyn, Elizabeth, Tiffany, Summer
